Involvement, influence, and affection are three keys to father-child relationships.

Though they may sometimes find it difficult to express their feelings, most fathers care about their children and families.

Involvement: The Foundation of a Relationship

How can fathers become more involved with their children? First, they can give each of their children exclusive attention as often as possible. During their time together fathers can enjoy their children's company without allowing outside distractions to interfere. As a result, their children may feel noticed and special. There is no single formula for how this might be accomplished. A father and child might play, talk, learn a skill or read together. What is important is that they notice each other and acknowledge a common interest. This type of undistracted attention promotes a sense that each is important to the other.

Fathers might also give their children a glimpse of their work world. Children want to know what life is like outside the home and what their parents do at work. Many farm families and small businesses include their children in the operation at an early age. Parents in other occupations may find it more difficult to give their children a glimpse of their work, but even brief visits or tours will help.

Influence: Building the Relationship

Once involvement is established in a relationship, influence is the next step. Each person wants to feel that what he or she says or wants is important to the other. Each wants to be listened to and included in discussions and decisions. This sense of personal power promotes feelings of self-worth and respect for the other person.
How can fathers establish a sense of influence? First, they can establish and maintain reasonable limits for their children. Children respect parents who provide firm but gentle guidance, but they also benefit from parents who gradually allow them to make decisions on their own.

Fathers can also be responsive to their children's interests. Instead of always telling them what to do, fathers can listen and be responsive to their children's suggestions whenever possible. When shopping, for example, a father might let his 5-year-old choose one or two stores to visit. Similarly, a father might ask his son or daughter to suggest a game to play or a movie to see.

There are times, though, when children do not have these kinds of choices. Parents must often have the final word. The goal is to achieve an appropriate balance of influence in the relationship.

Affection: The Relationship Deepens

When people feel accepted and respected in a relationship, they will begin to develop close feelings of mutual affection. Parents who are never involved with their children and are either too permissive or too dominant are not likely to become close to their children. Fathers who are constant vigilant disciplinarians and show no tenderness create a climate of coldness that puts distance in their relationships. Sometimes this is painful.

A parent-child relationship might be compared to a bank account. Every negative act—a frown, a "no" or "I'm busy"—is like a withdrawal from the account. In contrast, affectionate, caring actions are like deposits in the relationship account. If the withdrawals exceed the deposits, the relationship breaks down into mutual distrust and isolation—it becomes bankrupt. Fathers who need to make a large number of withdrawals can do so if their deposits of warmth, support and nurturance are high enough. Fathers can be both tough when necessary and tender when needed.

There are many ways in which men can express their affection for their children. Some may feel comfortable talking with their children. Others may let their actions reveal their feelings. Some expressions, like hugging, are obvious while others, like quiet self-sacrifice, are more subtle. There is a danger in letting our actions speak for themselves: subtle forms of affection can easily be overlooked or misinterpreted. Words can enrich what we do by making our actions more easily understood by others. Children sometimes need to hear their father say "I love you" to fully appreciate what he does for them. On the other hand, words not backed by action may sound hollow and false. Every father will develop his own style of showing affection in his relationships with others in his family.

Few events will change a man's life as much as becoming a father. Fathers' feelings for their children run deep. Fathers care.

Reprinted with permission from the National Network for Child Care - Smith, C. A., Kansas State University Cooperative Extension Service.

- Diane Ryals, family life educator

Parents often worry about how reliable and trusted parenting information is, especially when it is on the internet. University of Illinois Extension has been providing research-based, age-specific Parenting: The First Year Newsletters through the mail to families for several years. U of I Extension has also been a part of a team of Extension professionals from over 30 land-grant universities transforming this newsletter into a national, interactive, internet resource.

Just in Time Parenting (JITP) electronic newsletters continue to bring "just in time" educational information that addresses exact challenges parents are facing each month of their child's growth and development. JITP is available at www.parentinginfo.org and includes:

· Age-paced newsletters, electronic or printable

· Fact sheets

· Frequently asked questions

· Access to experts nationally

· Upcoming local Extension programs

JITP materials currently focus on infants, but will soon extend from pregnancy through the parenting of teens. If you are in a parenting role and have access to the internet, consider bookmarking this website. If you are parenting an infant be sure to sign up for the age-specific newsletters. If you are a professional who works with parents, consider using the resources with your clients.

For reliable, trusted research-based educational information, go to www.parentinginfo.org.

- Patti Faughn, family life educator

Parties are an important part of our teenagers' lives for socializing, relaxation and entertainment. But for many teens, the definition of "partying" includes alcohol or other drugs.

Teens often view alcohol as a way to make friends, relax, gain acceptance and feel like an adult. That's where peer pressure comes into play and a teen's resistance skills are tested. One way to help your

teen resist negative aspects of peer pressure is to host a

party without alcohol and drugs. This may even give your teen the opportunity to exert some positive peer pressure!

Below you'll find some helpful guidelines for hosting teen parties. These guidelines won't always be easy to follow. Attempting to establish reasonable guidelines can benefit the entire community. It is helpful to get to know the parents of your teen's friends. You may want to join or informally form a parent network that works to establish common guidelines for teen parties.

Guidelines for Parents Hosting a Party

· Set ground rules with your teen before the party. Make it clear hosting is a shared responsibility.

· Be present during the party. A parent can bring in snacks and non-alcoholic beverages. Not only will your presence help keep the party running smoothly, but it will also give you an opportunity to meet or get to know your teen's friends better.

· Limit the party's length (enable teens to be home at a reasonable hour) and number of people.

· Guests should not be allowed to come and go.

· Have plenty of food and non-alcoholic beverages.

· Have recreation equipment, such as ping pong or billiards available.

· Encourage your teen to consider some organized group activities or games.

· Avoid easy access to alcohol and other drugs in your home.

· Let neighbors know you plan to have a supervised teen gathering.

· Carefully decide what part of the house will be used for the party. The spot should be comfortable for guests and should be a place where you can maintain adequate supervision.

It is illegal to offer alcohol to guests under the legal drinking age or to allow guests to use drugs in your home. You may be brought to court on criminal charges and/or have to pay monetary damages in a civil lawsuit if you furnish alcohol or drugs to minors.

· Be alert to signs of alcohol or drug use by teens.

· Guests, who try to bring alcohol or other drugs or who refuse to cooperate with your expectations, should be asked to leave.

· Be willing to call the police if unwanted guests refuse to leave.

· Notify the parents of any teen who arrives at the party drunk or under the influence of any drug to ensure the teen's safe transportation home. Do not let anyone drive under the influence of alcohol or other drugs.

Guidelines for Parents of Teenagers

Attending a Party

· When your teen is invited to a party, help reduce peer pressure to drink by checking out party details in advance.

· Contact parents of the party giver to verify the occasion, to see if adults will be present and that no alcohol or other drugs will be permitted.

· Know the party location and how your teen will get to and from the party.

· Make it clear to your teen when you expect him or her home, and then be awake or have your teen awaken you when he or she arrives home.

A teen party without some parental guidance can have unwanted, even tragic consequences. Plan to host a teen party with food, humor and recreation; and teens won't need alcohol or other drugs to have fun.

Adapted from "A Parents' Guide for Teenage Parties". Wisconsin Clearinghouse, Madison, WI.

- Judy Taylor, youth development educator

What to see in Illinois

www.enjoyillinois.com Click on your area of interest and find 322 museums; 15 zoos and animal facilities (such as Shedd Aquarium); 18 water parks; 83 amusement parks and entertainment centers; 258 historical sites; 101 gardens, parks or nature areas; and much more.

Illinois State Parks http://dnr.state.il.us/lands/landmgt/parks Boating and canoeing; camping, fishing and hunting; equestrian, hiking and bicycle trails; beaches, rock climbing, and birding; picnics shelters and cabins.

One of my favorite childhood memories is going fishing with my siblings. There were also times when we would have the entire family together for fishing and a cookout. Taking my son fishing has now become an activity that both of us look forward to. Fishing does not always require a boat and expensive equipment, but it can provide a fun, outdoor, family activity that can also be used to teach children about the environment.

Don't try to turn the fishing trip into a mission to catch big fish. Short outings are best for smaller children. Also, be prepared to spend most of your time helping with preparing hooks, casting and taking care of fish that are caught, at least until children are able to do it themselves.

Bring a basic first aid kit, sunscreen and insect repellant. A wide brim hat and sunglasses will keep the sun out of your child's eyes and off his or her forehead. Avoid fishing in the middle of the day. Life jackets are strongly recommended for children fishing around deep or fast-moving water. Make sure the life jacket fits your child snugly and won't ride up around his or her face.

Using an ultra-light bait cast or spin cast rod and reel will be best for children learning to fish. A light line will work well in most cases. Using a small hook also will improve the chances of catching fish.

A small bobber works better than larger ones for hooking fish and will be easier to cast. The larger the bobber, the harder it is for fish to take the bait and run. Sinkers will help get the line down to the desired depth and will provide enough weight to allow the bobber to barely float on the water, again making it easy for fish to take the bait and try to make a quick getaway. Small, BB-sized sinkers can be added to the line one at a time, about 6 to 12 inches above the hook, to provide the desired weight.

Huge amounts of bait on a hook are not needed and will probably lead to well fed fish but few being caught. If fishing for sunfish or other bait stealers using worms, place just enough to cover the end of the hook.

It will probably be necessary to provide some instruction on the technique of casting and being a little patient. This would also be an opportunity to provide instruction on safety and fishing ethics.

Cast lines around shelter areas for fish, such as trees, branches or aquatic plants, and if there are no bites within a few minutes, move to a new spot and try again.

To set a hook, a moderate snap of the rod is all that is needed in most cases. Keep the rod tip up and the line tight. Reel in the fish. You don't have to reel very quickly, but you also don't want to let the line go limp.

If a fish swallows the hook and the fish is to be returned to the water, cut the line as close to the hook as possible and release the fish in the water. Fish that will not be kept should be released immediately.

Always know what fishing regulations are in place. Many places only allow certain lengths and species of fish to be kept. Make sure fishing licenses are attained if needed.

Websites available for family fishing opportunities:

§ www.ifishillinois.org/programs/Urban/urban.html (urban fishing—Illinois Department of Natural Resources)

§ www.iowadnr.com/fish/kids.html (Iowa Department of Natural Resources)

§ www.takemefishing.org/fishing/family/fishing-with-your-family (Recreational Boating and Fishing Foundation)

- Duane Friend, natural resources educator

Do vacations have to be completely stress-free to be enjoyable? No, of course not. When we stop to think about the fact that children on vacation are often away from what is predictable and familiar in their home life and routines, it is easier to understand when they are not on their best behavior.

We can take some simple steps to prepare children for travel. With preparation, we can often eliminate missed snacks, meals or naps, and limit whining, sibling rivalry, frequent potty breaks and endless hours of car travel that leaves everyone feeling at the end of their rope.

Taking some time before a trip to do a little planning can be important, especially when children are involved. When children are given knowledge about what to expect during the vacation, they are usually better able to cope with any changes in their schedule.

For children who don't deal well with changes, it becomes very important to prepare them and yourself for those needs in which they are going to have the most difficult time adjusting. Taking the time to understand what is hardest for them can give you great insight into how to negotiate their needs and help them see that their concerns are important to you. "I know you like to eat out of your blue bowl for breakfast. We will be eating in restaurants when we are on vacation. They may not have a blue bowl. Will you be able to eat out of their bowls, or do we need to take your blue bowl from home?"

Consider these 10 tips before you take your next vacation:

1. Share basic knowledge about the trip. Sometimes as parents, we can forget to communicate information to our children that would relieve some of the stress they may be dealing with. Share knowledge such as:

· The day and time you will be leaving

· Whether you will travel by car, bus, train, boat or plane

· How long you will be gone

· People and places you will visit

· Things you will get to do

2. Order brochures and maps of your vacation destination. You can mark the places you go each day or make a map with your child so he can mark where you go each day. Check your library for videos or DVDs you can watch about the places you are going.

3. Plan that the trip will take longer with children. Rest stops should be scheduled at least every two hours to let your children stretch and burn off some energy. With a little planning, you can make these stops a part of your family fun:

· Take a beach ball or Frisbee to toss back and forth.

· Plan a picnic or snack on a blanket or picnic table.

· Blow and chase bubbles.

4. Start each day with a good breakfast, and take nutritious snacks for between meals. Children will travel better when they have eaten.

5. Have children empty their bladders before you start your trip and remind them to go at every stop along the way. Again, they will travel better.

6. If riding in a car, remember to keep the doors securely shut and locked. Follow guidelines for seats:

· Infants up to one year old and 20 lbs. need to be secured in a rear-facing infant or convertible seat with an internal harness.

· Toddlers 20-40 lbs. need to be secured in a convertible seat, in the forward-facing position, or a high back booster seat with an internal harness.

· Children 40-80 lbs. and under 4'9" tall need to be secured in a belt-positioning booster seat.

7. Take a favorite blanket or stuffed animal to help with napping. Soft music playing can also be easier to fall asleep to than hearing a blaring radio.

8. Pack a travel kit for children with favorite activities they can do during the ride or flight, such as:

· Crayons or markers and coloring books or paper

· Small travel games

· Storybooks

· Favorite doll or stuffed animal

Consider distributing or adding items along the way if the trip is long.

9. For flights, explain each step you will need to do. Stand in line for your tickets, check your luggage, find the boarding room, wait for the plane to board, board the plane, find your seats, etc. Help your child understand things that will be important to them such as, "After we find our seats on the plane, buckle up, and listen to the flight attendant; you can open your travel kit or watch a movie."

10. Don't forget to bring gum during take-offs and landings. This will help your child's ears adjust to the pressure changes in the plane. Infants can nurse or suck on a pacifier.

When you return home, settling back into everyday life can be bumpy for everyone. Don't be surprised if your children are extra touchy for a couple of days. Remember to give your family a day of resting before returning to life as usual.

Realizing children may become crabby or overexcited by all the different changes in their routines during a vacation can help you to stay positive and make some small preparations that make a difference.

- Patti Faughn, family life educator

Time to find the grill, clean the racks and start planning the weekend menu. It's also a good time to review safe food handling tips. Warm weather is the ideal time to cook outdoors and also provides ideal temperatures for bacteria to grow quickly, which can cause foodborne illness.

A few simple guidelines for grilling food safely are provided by the United States Department of Agriculture (USDA) Meat and Poultry Hotline:

Wash hands and food surfaces often when working with food. All kitchen helpers, including the outdoor chefs using the grill, should wash hands with hot soapy water before and after handling food. Also wash cutting boards, dishes, utensils and counter tops with hot soapy water after preparing raw meat, poultry and seafood. Remember to wash hands and surfaces again before going to the next food…to avoid cross-contamination.

Other cross contamination suggestions—separate raw meat, poultry and other perishable foods from the ready-to-eat foods like bagged lettuce and hamburger buns; wash hands thoroughly before and after handling each food; and ALWAYS use a clean plate or platter for serving the cooked meat, poultry and seafood. Cook meats to the proper temperatures. Use a clean food thermometer that measures the internal temperature of cooked foods like ground meats and poultry.

Key temperatures to note are:

· Ground beef should cook to at least 160 F.

· Steaks should cook to at least 145 F.

· Poultry should cook to 165 F.

· All cuts of pork should reach 160 F.

Never partially grill meat or poultry, and finish cooking later. Cook food completely to destroy harmful bacteria. When reheating take-out foods or fully cooked meats like hot dogs, grill to 165 F, or until steaming hot.

Lastly, be sure to refrigerate perishable food promptly. From the time you purchase food at the store until you serve, note the time perishable foods are at room temperature. Perishable foods should not be in the danger zone of 40 F to 140 F for more than two hours. Refrigerate or freeze perishables, prepared foods and leftovers within two hours. This includes thawing food in the refrigerator, under cold running water or in the microwave. The exception to the two-hour rule is hot weather. In hot weather (90 F and above), USDA recommends food should never sit out for more

than one hour.

For more grilling information, contact the Meat and Poultry Hotline at 1-888-674-6854 Monday through Friday or visit USDA's Food Safety and Inspection Service (FSIS) website at www.fsis.usda.gov.

No-Salt Seasoning for Grilling

Recipe #1 Recipe #2

1/4 teaspoon dried basil 1/8 teaspoon black pepper

1/2 teaspoon dried oregano leaves 1/8 teaspoon red pepper

1/4 teaspoon garlic powder 1 teaspoon minced onion

1/4 teaspoon dried sage

Combine herbs with any ground meat and prepare for grilling. This makes enough for 1/2 pound of ground beef, chicken or turkey.

Mexicali Marinade (Excellent for tenderizing less expensive cuts of meat.)

1/3 cup oil 1 teaspoon chili powder

2 cloves garlic, crushed 1 teaspoon sugar

1/3 cup cider vinegar 1 teaspoon salt

1/3 cup apple juice 1/4 teaspoon pepper

In small saucepan, heat oil and cook garlic 2-3 minutes. Stir in remaining ingredients and heat through stirring until smooth. Cool in refrigerator. Marinate strips/cubes of meat 2 hours; chops or ribs 3 hours; and steaks at least 4 hours prior to grilling. Always marinate foods in the refrigerator turning meat occasionally and discard any leftover marinade when finished.

- Jananne Finck, nutrition and wellness educator

Butterflies are becomming harder and harder to find. Land development has destroyed much of the natural habitat and plants that butterflies requiare in order to survive. Ditches are being mowed and weeds are being eradicated.

ost of our landscapes are relatively sterile with large patches or acres of turf, some trees and flowers. Unfortunately, planting more and more trees, while great for the birds, actually decreases butterflies, as insects like sunny areas and hate birds which feed on caterpillars.

There are some things you can do to attract more butterflies to your yard.

Provide a source of water. A few low bowls or saucers scattered around the yard in open areas will provide them the water they need. Even a continually wet sponge will do the trick. Put some stones in the bowls or saucers for the butterflies to rest on. Birdbaths won't be attractive to the butterflies, especially if birds are cavorting in the water.

Cut down on your use of chemicals. Most insecticides will kill the caterpillars. If caterpillars are destroying some of your plants, pick off the bugs or just spray them carefully. Find plants that the caterpillars and adults like. Often they aren't the same, but in some cases, you may be lucky and have a plant the caterpillars and butterflies enjoy.

Plant flowers that are butterfly friendly. Butterflies don't have chewing mouth parts. Flowers that are flat topped or clustered and have short flower tubes are ideal. The "tube" flowers tend to be the main attraction for butterflies. This allows butterflies to reach the nectar with their long tongue-like proboscis or mouth parts.

Adults searching for nectar are attracted to red, yellow, orange, pink or purple blossoms. Nectar producing plants should be grown in open, sunny areas since adults rarely feed on plants in the shade.

Garden favorites include wild columbine, milkweed, purple coneflower, zinnia, salvia, marigold, salvia, verbenas, goldenrod, mints and their relatives, New England aster and white prairie clover.

Put in large patches of dill, fennel or parsley to attract the swallowtails, which will lay eggs, resulting in caterpillars which will devour those plants. The more members of the carrot family you have, the more likely you'll have colorful swallowtails.

Butterfly weed (Ascelpias) and butterfly bushes (Buddleia) are two popular butterfly plants. Both may be difficult to winter over in the garden above I-70. Most people probably lost butterfly bushes this year due to April's freeze. Provide protection and well-drained soil.

Butterfly weed looks like milkweed. This is the plant that caterpillars like to eat the leaves, but never enough to damage the plant.

Butterflies need a place to rest during the evening or on windy days. Unfortunately, butterfly houses aren't the best and are seldom used. Shrubs and small open trees are the best bets.

For more information on butterflies, check out:

· Gardeners Corner www.urbanext.uiuc.edu/gardenerscorner/issue_02/spring_04_06.html

· Illinois Moths and Butterflies

http://dnr.state.il.us/LANDS/EDUCATION/MOTH

- David Robson, horticulture educator

Although many commercials will try to convince you otherwise, there are ways to prevent or remove weeds from gardens, flower beds and driveways that do not require a trip to the store.

Leftover boiling water from pasta or coffee? Pour the water (still close to boiling) directly on weeds. Weeds will be dead in a day or two. It is important to note that boiling water can harm roots of nearby plants, so this method is best used in open areas, such as on weeds in a driveway or sidewalk.

Salt is also an effective plant killer for large areas. Spread salt on your gravel driveway and keep the weeds from growing for several months. Applying salt between sidewalk cracks will produce the same result.

Old newspapers can also be a homeowner's friend. Weeds can be prevented from growing in flowerbeds and gardens by covering the unplanted areas with layers of newspapers—typically three to four sheets thick—and covering with mulch. This will also kill existing weeds by blocking the sunlight and the newspaper will add organic matter to your soil when it breaks down.

- Jodine Tate, natural resources educator