When a day care home provider leaves the business or a center teacher unexpectedly leaves or changes to another classroom, the loss of the relationship can be stressful to young children. This is especially true for infants and toddlers who are learning to build trust and first relationships. Feeling safe and secure with a caregiver is essential in their development and learning process. When young children experience the stress related to losing a primary caregiver, common behaviors may include regressing to earlier conduct, aggression, withdrawal, loss of appetite, or depression.

What can a parent do to ease the child's stress? If a parent knows ahead of time that the teacher or caregiver will be leaving or moving to another classroom, she can talk with the teacher and prepare the child together for the change. If the teacher has already left, which is often the case, there is still much a parent can do to lessen the child's anxiety. Keep these things in mind:

Don't try to wean a baby or potty train a toddler during a change in caregivers. Wait until things are settled.

Allow the child to say goodbye through a party, phone call, visit, making a card and sending it, or making a keepsake book of photos and favorite activities.

If applicable, visit the former teacher in her new classroom so the child knows where the teacher will be, and if and when she can visit.

Include your child in decisions to give them a sense of control during the change ("I can still go see, call, or send mail to my teacher, I can still see my friends"). Include your child in visiting new centers or homes if applicable.

Ease the fear of the unknown. Get the new teacher's name or photo. Call her on the phone and talk with her or arrange a relaxed visit. Meet children at a new site. Focus on things that will remain the same as the former relationship (same kids, schedule, routines, etc).

Accept the new teacher or caregiver. Children observe and often reflect the emotions they see or sense. If a child senses that his parents are upset or anxious about a new teacher, the child will likely become anxious also. If a parent is accepting of a new teacher, the child is more likely to be accepting too.

Observe your child's interactions with the new caregiver and the changes of a new relationship. Talk about any differences with your child and focus on the positive. If the former teacher was bubbly and the new one is quiet, discuss the strengths in different personalities.

Although parents may think of a change in a caregiver or teacher as a single event in a child's life, it is more accurate to think of it as a process that takes place over time. Our understanding and response can do much to ease a child's adjustment.

Written by: Patti Faughn, Family Life Educator
University of Illinois Extension, Springfield Center