Effective Communication is Critical When You're Under Pressure

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
July 16, 2009

Whether you're communicating with creditors, lenders, or family members, it's important to speak carefully, listen effectively, and respond accurately when you're under pressure, said a University of Illinois Extension family life educator.

"Misunderstandings often occur when people under stress communicate, and such a situation only adds to the pressure you're already feeling," said Katrina Zuber.

Here's a refresher course on communicating well under pressure, she said.

Speak carefully.

• Be specific. Listeners can't read your mind, so specifically define the problem or the feeling you are having.
• Stay focused. Discuss only the issue at hand. Getting off track and bringing up old issues is irritating. Don't say things you don't mean and threaten things you won't do.
• Say less. Silence is helpful when emotions are strong and we feel tired and stressed. At these times, we often say things we don't mean, exaggerate, or escalate the situation beyond what it deserves.
• Say it with tact. Ban blaming. Keep comments descriptive rather than critical or all-knowing. "I" statements are less threatening to the listener.

Listen attentively.

• Listen with empathy. Put yourself in the other person's shoes and try to understand their perspective. It's not necessary to agree with the other point of view in order to understand or empathize with it.
• Listen without interrupting. Sometimes it's necessary to stop talking to hear what's being said. Concentrate on the speaker's words and pay careful attention to nonverbal gestures. Eliminate both mental and physical distractions to conversation.
• Receive criticism successfully. Put your shields up. Act like a coffee filter, straining out the emotional grounds--like fear or anger--from the facts.
• Accept what is said without giving advice. When we believe the speaker is wrong, it feels so good to tell them what to do. But, even if your advice is eventually followed, timing is important. It's best to listen, support, and let the feelings be heard before offering advice.

Respond accurately.

• Get all the facts. Listen carefully until you understand what is being said. Ask the speaker to clarify anything you don't understand. But don't ask too many questions; that can be distracting.
• Check your interpretations. The goal of communication is understanding, and listeners must interpret what's being said. Check with the speaker to make sure what you heard is what the speaker meant. Ask if your perspective is accurate. For example, say, "Do I understand you to mean . . . ?" or "Did you say . . . ?"
• Be honest. If you can, say "I understand why you feel that way." Acknowledging and accepting the speaker's feelings doesn't mean that you agree with them.
• Listen to yourself. Make a conscious effort to hear how you sound. Do you have a positive or negative attitude? What is your tone of voice? A steady stream of snapped responses puts others on the defensive.

"Although we don't always get what we want, it's important to make our wishes known so we don't become resentful. Listening to the other person's needs with sensitivity demonstrates a caring attitude.

"When both persons who are communicating speak and listen carefully, it's easier to share perceptions and feelings while moving toward understanding," Zuber said.

For more information on getting through stressful times, including which bill to pay first, how to talk to your creditors, how to prevent foreclosure, how to save food dollars, how to talk to your children about your financial situation, and more, visit U of I Extension's "Getting Through Tough Financial Times" website at http://www.ToughTimes.illinois.edu.

Source: Katrina Zuber, (217) 821-3824, kzuber@illinois.edu