I remember when my oldest daughter began sixth grade. A well-meaning friend came up to us and enthusiastically said, "Oh, so you're all ready for high school, are you?"

I felt pure panic at the thought! No way was I ready to for her to be high school, and neither was she. We needed the time we had to enjoy life as it was. We were both a little apprehensive about the changes to come.

Now that she's teaching junior high, we both reflect on how Junior High/Middle School and High School offers unique challenges to families. Both students and parents look forward to new challenges, new friends, and a greater sense of independence. It's a great time to pursue hobbies and extracurricular activities like sports, scholastic bowl, music, drama, and other interests. It's an even better time to ask questions and consider if and how abilities can be developed into a future career.

These changes bring about new responsibilities and expectations, which can be both freeing and challenging. Homework and grades become more important, and in some cases, a struggle. Often students who did well in grade school suddenly see their grades slip. Lifelong friendships sometimes become strained as new friendships are formed. Add adolescent hormones to the mix and it seems like everyone is always fighting with one another! It's potentially a very tumultuous time for all involved.

How can we parents/adults help the children in our lives prepare for middle school and high school? How do we help them adjust once they are there? Research suggests the following:

Communicate with your child's teacher. Keeping in touch with the teacher is vital to helping your child succeed in school. Your child's teacher has the responsibility to teach, but needs your help at home to see that homework is completed and returned. Junior high and high school students also need to be more organized and sometimes need help developing a system that works for them. Ask the teacher what system she or he uses and how you can reinforce it at home so that your child accepts more responsibility for his/her work.

Become involved in the classroom or school. Many parents are not as directly involved in the classroom at the upper levels as they are in grade school, but can still find a way to contribute. Perhaps you can volunteer in some way. It's really helpful to see your student in the school setting and observe how he or she interacts in that environment. It's also eye-opening to see the wide variety in maturity levels of fellow students. Observing helps you form questions for parent/teacher conferences, too. Becoming involved in your child's educational experience and communicating regularly with teachers can go a long way towards smoothing out any rough spots you encounter.

Create a learning environment at home. Make a place for homework that is quiet and free from distractions. Establish rules about homework, viewing TV, using the computer/internet at home, and household chores. Help your student learn to balance homework, sports, extracurricular activities, and work with leisure time. Be supportive. Ask about what additional resources are available to help your child with homework, such as after school clubs or tutoring and how you can get involved if these would be helpful.

Encourage your student and praise their efforts. Generally, two schools of thought exist about learning. One is that intelligence is fixed – meaning one is "smart" at a certain level and will never exceed that level. Students who believe this generally score well on tests and get good grades as long as the work is easy. But, their grades drop when school work becomes too hard. They'd rather not do the work and get a lower grade instead of "look bad" for making mistakes.

The other school of thought is that intelligence has the potential to be developed over time with hard work and practice. Students who believe this will keep on working to improve their grades and skills. They value learning over "looking smart," especially when their efforts are noticed and appreciated by parents and teachers.

Support your student emotionally. Tweens and teens need your support, caring, listening ears, and understanding of all they are experiencing. Learn how to take advantage of the times you have together – in the car, at home, at a game, etc. Stay on top of their social situations by asking them about their friends, their interests in school, their favorite subjects and teachers, things they are working on, what courses they are interested in, and what options they have thought about pursuing after high school. Celebrate their successes and help them learn from their mistakes.

Encourage them to think about their future and help them research where they might want to continue training or education. Explore financial aid, scholarships, and student loan options together. They will appreciate your interest and enthusiasm concerning their future.

Get support for yourself. Sometimes we have more questions than answers, and we need to talk to others who have been there and can show us the path. We have such an opportunity coming up at the Champaign Library on November 16, 2009. Pathways to Success is an event sponsored by I-Parents, a collaborative of Office of the Vice Chancellor for Public Engagement, the College of Education, University of Illinois Extension, the School of Social Work, Family Resiliency Center, Champaign-Urbana PTAs, and the Center for Education in Small Urban Communities. The event is free and open to the public from 6:30-8:00pm in the Robeson Pavilion, Rooms A & B. Parents will have the opportunity to talk to career counselors, financial aid advisors, and college admissions representatives as well as interact in Parenting Café discussions. For more information, call me at 333-7672 or email areinhrt@illinois.edu.